I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
no, he came in my armpit
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize