We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
