This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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