Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
