I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
