Pappa wants mamma naked
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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