well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
