you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
