You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
