Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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