you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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