you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
