I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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