Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
