Apparently you make a good broom.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
