I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
