why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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