so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
