just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he puts the penis in happiness.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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