The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
