Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
