You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
