The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
