My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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