i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think I just sharted jello shots
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