hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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