Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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