Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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