I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
