He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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