I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
