He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
