note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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