What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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