I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am available for nakedness
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
