ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
