Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
