You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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