Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
