I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
