Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You need Xanax blowdarts
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
