I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
