you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
