and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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