am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
time to smoke my breakfast
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
