So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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