I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
