The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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