How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
