sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
