Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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