I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
try to milk me bitch
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
