So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
