I want to walk on stilts...naked
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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