he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
