I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just pee around me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
