this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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