whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
