I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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