There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
