Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
