Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
