Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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