time to smoke my breakfast
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
