You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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