she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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