ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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