it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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