if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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